Do all good things come to an end???

Ad I sit here, I don't even know where to start.  Breastfeeding was a personal choice for me.  When I was pregnant with Brylee, I said I would give it a try and if it worked it worked and if it didn't, it didn't.  I wasnt going to loose sleep over it.  Well, she latched on first time and never had any trouble.  I nursed her until she was pushing 14 months and decided it was time to stop.  We never had any issues and I LOVED it!  When Hudson came along, there was no choice to make.  I knew I would breastfeed him and in my mind we wouldnt have any issues.  I knew what I was doing and had resrouces if he didn't latch on.  I was confident.  He was born at 4:16 pm and started nursing right away and nursed pretty much for the first 6 hours of his life.  He quickly became a professional nurser his first day of life!  As his first birthday is approaching oh so quickly and I'm thinking it's time to stop, I just want to cry.  My mind is ready but my heart is not.  How can you have such a love/hate relationship with something.....So we started out nursing and for the first 8 weeks of his life no one got any sleep.  He screamed and screamed and screamed.  When we finally got to VA and went to the doctor, the first thing she suggested was putting him on formula.  (Now, we LOVE our doctor, but she isn't a big supporter of bresatfeeding=()    I quickly told her that wasn't an option so we had to figure something else out....A few weeks later, we headed to the GI doctor for the first time.  After looking at his charts and examining him and listening to all we had to say, he told us that we probably wasnt dealing with reflux (which is what Tim and I thought it was) and we were probably dealing with food allergies.  And guess what he suggested.... yep, formula...and expensive formula at that!  Oh, and in between visiting our doctor for the first time and seeing the GI, I gave in one night and Tim and I headed to Target to get formula.  I cried most of the way to get it....hated standing there trying to pick from the 20 different brands and kinds...and I hated giving it to him... I was secretly happy when putting him on the formula made no difference in his screaming fits and sleepless days and nights...I kept pumping during this time to not loose my supply.  We quickly went back to soley nursing and there was a lot of crying coming from this mama.... Anways, back to the GI... he said our best bet was to put him on formula... When I bursted out in tears in his office he told me that I had given him 8 good weeks of nursing and thats more than a lot of babies get... yadda yadda yadda.... Then I started feeling liek what one of the best gifts God gave me for my baby wasnt adequate and why wasn't it good enough... what did it hurt him so badly... a million thoughts ran through my mind as I sat there staring at Tim wondering what he was thinking and wondering what really was the best thing for our precious son.  I quickly made up my mind that so be it if he had food allergies, I could do this.... The doctor told me it would be hard and most mothers didnt do it because of the strict diet I would have to be on.  My thoughts were if he did indeed have food allergies and didn't outgrow them, I would have to learn how to cook to suit him anyways, so why not give it a try now.  And it was hard!  For 6 weeks I went on an allergy free diet and then we had to add things in one by one to see if he reacted.  And when he did react, I felt like the worse mom ever. Anyways, we finally got everything figured out and was sailing smoothly again!

(Didnt mean to go off in that direction... I feel like some days I have ADD like nobody's business!)

So, back to bresatfeeding comind to an end...I have to say that during this past year, there have been days that I dreamed of stopping nursing.  I have wanted to be selfish and eat what I wanted.  I have craved chineese food like nothing else!  We've been to get togethers and I've looked at foods I couldnt have and just wished that I was done with this.  I didn't want him to grow up.  I didn't want to put him on formula.  I just wanted to be done nursing in that moment.  there have been nights when he has nursed every 2 hours and I was exhausted and wanted to stop.  He nursed ever hour and forty five minutes to every 2 hours until he was 8 months old.  I felt like I was an open buffet 24 hours a day.  I was half naked more than I've been dressed in this last year.  At times, I wished I could have moved to a nudist colony or to Africa, where it's the norm for woman to be able to just go free up top.  Tim has seen my chest more in this last year than the 6 years we have been married combined! And let me say  Hudson, he has loved you for that! =)  Although I do not want to be the next Time magazine cover mom, I am just not quite ready to give it up i don't think.  But, I probably will.  It's time for him to be a big boy and it's time for me to have me back.  I know I have given him a good 12 months of breast milk and that has been amazing, especially when there were days I didnt know how much longer I could do it.  I've made it!  When the GI doctor asked me at his 6 month check up how much longer I was going to do it and I said until he is one and he looked at me like I was crazy... I was sooo proud of myself when we were there last week and he asked if he was still nursing and I said YES!  He is starting to self wean during the day and he only nurses for a few minutes and feedings are pretty far between.  He sitll loves to nurse first thing in the mornings, and right before bed...and during the night when he has a rough night.  I am not ready to give up the fact that a boob in his mouth can fix anything!  He is a comfort nurser and I don't know if thats the boy in him or if it's just him.  I want to cry thinking that this is one constant thing he knows and it's all he knows and to think I am going to take this away from him makes me want to cry...He has been put on a prescrition milk until he is 18 months old and at that point we will try whole cow's milk.  We have started introducing him to this milk and he is doing ok with it in his sippy.  He is not fond of it in a bottle I dont think.  So here we are...it's so bittersweet to me to be coming up on ending this fabulous thing that I have loved and hated at the same time. 

Hudson, I look at you and i see how big you have gotten and how healthy you are and I know that I did the best thing I could have done for you.  Some of my most favorite memories will always be sitting in your room in the dark, listening to KLove, and nursing you.  Over this past year, you have gone from being an 8lb little baby that when I nursed you, your whole body was right in front of me to now being almost one and you wrap half way around me when I nurse you.  I am going to miss you getting excited when I pull my nursing cover out.  You get the biggest grin on your face and it cracks me up!  I am going to miss going into your room in the middle of the night and you can latch on in the dark with no problem and you instantly calm down and fall asleep.

I am not going to miss my diet restrictions.  I am hoping that you start sleeping through the night when  you are fully on your new milk.  Im not going to miss worrying about frozen milk when daddy and I are on a date.

I am scared because I don't even know how to begin weaning you.  I know it's going to be rough in the beginning.  are you ready?  am I ready? 

This has been the hardest year and it has been the best  year.  I wouldnt change a single decision I made with nursing you.

I love you buddy and I pray we transition through this new phase easily.

Hudson is 11 months!

I seriously can't believe Hudson was 11 months on Monday!  Buddy, you are growing soooo fast and learning something new everyday!  Today, you finally took off with crwaling... You have been tinkering with the idea for a few weeks but today at the doctor, you crawled accross the floor to get a Mr. Potato head!  Daddy and I were so excited!  And then tonight, you have crawled a few times to get soemthing you want!  You weigh 21 pounds.  You haved bye bye for the first time yesterday morning.  You can say hi, daddy, and mama when you want to.  You had a follow up with the pediactric gi doctor today and we figured out a few things.  As far as your allergies are concerned, eggs still both you severly!  You are handling mommy having small amounts of dairy, but we have noticed your excema has come back since I have been having it.  We don't know about soy but the doctor said to still lay off of it.  Since the flu shot has egg in it, he said to not give it.  We have to double check with your one year shots to see if any have egg or not, the doctor wasn't sure.  You are being put on a special kind of milk.  The doctor doesnt think you rae quite ready for cow milk.  Mommy is really struggling with thinking about ending our journey of breastfeeding but I am a little ready.  Maybe I am being selfish, but I am ready to have all of my foods back.  Part of me says you have gotten 12 good months of breastmilk and you are good to go.  The other part of me says this is all that you know and I want to hold on to this moment.... I am ready to get my body back but I am not ready to take what you know away from you =(  It really is hard.  You daddy is VERY supportive during the first 12 months, but after that not so much =)  Your sleeping is still different every single night.  Some nights you sleep great and other nights  you do not.  You LOVE to eat food but you are very tempermental with it.  If you are sleepy, we can give up trying to get you to eat food.  You are still a comfort nurser and I think that is one more thing that worries me about weaning you.  You are as handsome as ever and you are soo stinking funny!  Daddy and I think you are going to be a class clown as you get bigger.  You love when you make someone laugh!  You still adore your sisters and smile when they come in the room.  You and Brylee love to play together but she doesn't like you drooling on her toys and you get mad when she takes them away from you.  You now have 4 teeth... top2 and bottom 2!  Welp little man, I think that is about it for now!  I can't believe I am about to start planning your 1 year birthday! =(

Love,
Daddy and Mommy

Hudson is growing up!

Can you believe it... I've thoguht to blog without a month brithday =)  anyways, as I sit here and type, he is playing with a can of puffs and they are all over the floor... but I dont care because he is quiet and happy... I don't even care if it's quiet but the last few days he has been super cranky and irritable because he is cutting his two top teeth.  =(  Poor guy.  The botton two didnt give him much trouble at all but these top ones are being stinkers! 

Last night, daddy had to lower his crib mattress because he is now pulling up on it onto his knees and looking over the railing and I was afraid he was going to fall out on his head =(  where have these last almost 11 months gone to?  My little man is growing soooooo fast!  He is now scooting everywhere and crawling here and there... He can get to whatever he wants with no problem, whether it be by scooting, rolling, or some kidn of crawl/army crawl, belly flop when he's close to his wanted item =)

Darbie plays soccer!

Darbie just finished another season of soccer and I am so sad that I didn't take many pictures this season.  With Tim's work schedule being so crazy and me having to take 3 kids to soccer by myself, most of the time I was spent just getting us there on time!  But, I did get one or two of her last game!  I didn't get one of her scoring a goal because someone, I won't mention names, had to go potty and while we were in the bathroom Darbie scored! =(  some dad telling you your daughter scored while you were gone is something ever mom wants to hear....NOT!!!

Hudson trying to stay warm!

My beautiful little princess!

So no good action shots, but here's what I have!

A little blury but it's the only one I got of her with the ball!

This smile can melt anyone's heart!

My beautiful girl with her medal and award!

Fall Festival in our neighborhood and MOPS

A few weeks ago our  neighborhood did a Fall Festival.  Tim had to work so just me adn the kids went.  Here are a few pictures.  The girls had a BLAST!  Pony rides, small petting zoo, jump castles, sumo wrestling, and cotton candy...what's there not to love, right? =)

Here are a few decorations in our yard!

Hudson loved holding his pumpkin that he chose from the pumpkin patch!

 the girls loved decorating their pumpkins!

 While Brylee loved the pirate and his parrot, Hudson wasn't so sure about him and anytime we saw him walking around, this is the look Hudson would give!

 Darbie and her pumpkin vampire!

 Brylee's first pony ride!

She was so proud to be holding him!

she got a sparkly spider to match her shirt

My little pumpkin!  This is his first Halloween!

Yes, he is standing!!!

Brylee and her bestfriend here in VA!

making a mesh wreath

 The top three pictures are the items you need to make this wreath.  The wreath is a 16in wreath.  Leave the paper on the straw wreath.  Unroll the mesh fabric but don't cut it.  You will use it all.  After unrolling it, take about as much as I have in the picture below and pin it on the wreath just as is.  the pins stick nicely in the wreath.

 Now that the beginning of the mesh is sevure on the wreath, you are going to take pieces about this long, bunch it up, and pin it on the wreath.  You will need to rotate bunching and pinning from towards the inside of the wreath to the "top" of the wreath.  dont worry that the back fo the wreath isnt covered.  You will not see that part of the wreath once it is hanging on the door.  (you may have to unpin and repin until you get the hang of it but it is super simple!)

 This is what one "bunch" looks like!

 After you get going, it will start looking like this!

Once you are finished it will look like this!  You can add whatever you'd like to it once it is done.  I attached my stuff using a hot glue gun but be super careful, it does melt the mesh but you can't tell once the item is on!

random updates!

I always have good intentions of blogging and something will be on my mind and I never get around to blogging about it.....HHHMMMM well, the girls are doing great!  Darbie is in full swing with school and afterschool activities... At times, I feel like a taxi cab driver that works for free between her and Brylee.  Here's a look at our week.... Mondays are our free days so we only spend 3 hours in the car... thats 30 min to take Darbie to school and 30 min back home.....about a 20 minute drive to take Brylee to gymnastics and then 20 minutes back home...then 30 min drive to pick Darbie up up and 30 min drive back home....(I know, we could have sent her to the middle school we are zoned for and we've heard nothing but great things about it, but she had an opoprtunity and I wasn't working so we couldn't pass it up.  She is getting more options where she is now than what she would have gotten at our zoned school.  She is learning in creative ways which makes me very happy.  She has had some struggles because thinking outside of the box isnt a strentgh of hers but shes learning and growing!  We are soo pleased with her teachers this year and she likes them all too!  So anyways, the drives every day are totally worth it!  Tuesdays, we take Darbie to school and come back home... We go pick Darbie up from school late because she has play practice in the afternoon and head straight to ballet for Brylee....spend an hour there and then head home quickly so Darbie can jump out of the car and throw her soccer gear on then we leave immediately and head back to the soccer fields (I didn't mention that we live in one place...drive in one direction for Darbie's school...then drive to the opposite end of town almost for Brylee's dance and then back to somewhat middle ground for soccer depending which field she is at that day)...then we leave soccer and come home to finally eat dinner... Wednesdays, we take Darbie to school and then come home...We pick Darbie up and every other wednesday the girls go to kids club and do crafts.  Wednesday nights they both go to Awana... Thursdays we take Darbie to school and then pick her up late because she has play practice afterwards... we then go to soccer on Thursday nights..... I know... we could cut some things out...and we have...we cut out SGA for Darbie on Wednesdays because she wants to take piano lessons again and we had to give up something in order to fit that into our schedule... but back to cutting things out... she loves theater and thats a creative outlet for her!  She loves playing soccer and it keeps her active... Brylee loves dance and it teaches her balance and some calmness for at least an hour... She is loving gymnastics and learning to be even more fearless han she already was!  They each get so much from each of their activities that it is worth the craziness we go through during the week to get them at each of their activities.... I now this is only a season and it will not last forever!  So, those are my thoughts on feeling like a taxi cab driver!

Darbie is doing good in school.  She kidn of got off to a rocky start but is really picking it up and doing well!  She was having trouble with staying organized and remembering to turn homework in... With some resistance and now closely being watched and made to stay organized and learning to become a good time manager, she is doing much better!  (She is on a block schedule and has math and language arts every day.... they have "a" days and "b" days... with those days, science, social studies, pe, and an elective rotates every other day so it takes some organization and some responsibility to remember to do homework and to remember to keep it in your binder to turn it in two days later.... She is doing amazing in soccer this season... She has a really good coach and what we have learned about our eldest in the last few years is the fact that she will perform where you expect her to.... if you have high expectations, she'll meet them.... if they are low.... she doesnt go beyond that.... so anyways, her coach this season is really good and has high expectations of her and she's doing amazing!  I find it hard to get pictures of her with two rugrats to look after but hopefully tomorrow morning I can get some pictures of her playing!  One good thing about the long ride to school in the mornings is there is time for some good conversations to happen!  She is a light for Christ and it shines soooo brightly!  We are sooo proud of her for this!

Brylee oh Brylee!  She maybe the death of me and her daddy!  She is oo full of life and personality it's not even funny.  A day doesnt go by that she doestn crack us up with something she has to say.  At times, she melts your heart and drives you completely insane all during the same moment!  She is fearless and opinionated.  Tim and I wished we would have started a log with all of the crazy stuff she says becuase man, she says some funny funny stuff and then we forget it =(  However, here lately she has been watching sooo much disney Princess movies that all she talks about is her Prince and marrying him.... Last night, Tim told her that he was going to take her movies away because she is too young to be thinking about marrying her Prince (he is a little concerned at times with this) and she said "OH DADDY, YOU CAN'T DO THAT TO ME!"  I lost it!  Then, the other day I had had it with her behavior and told her I was going to spank her butt.  (a  while ago we had to rename that body part to booty because she said "butt" a lot and it just didnt soudn the greatest coming from her sweet mouth) and without skipping a beat the other day...before I could get to her to spank her she very matter of a factly told me we dont say the word butt....we say booty... how can you spank a child after that????? come on!!!!!  She is exhausting.  She never stops and goes ninety to nothing from the moment she wakes up until the moment she reluctantly closes her eyes....  She definitely keeps us going.  Oh and something funny...she calls gymnastics benastics and it's the cutest thing ever!

Hudson, well I just updated you on him... but I just can't say it enough how cute he is... I think he has the most charming smile ever...The ladies better watch out... =)

Tim and I are doing great!  He just changed schedules and instead of working on two, off two...now he works every single day m-f and every 4th night he sleeps on the boat... which, already I am liking it better!  We was gone for a week last week and it just confimed that we are sooooo done with deployments and if nothing changes are getting out in two years!  He had the privelege of going on the mans retreat from church last weekend and had a blast!  I am sooo happy he got to go this year.  It seems like every year he has to work and can't take off!

I can't beleive the holidays are coming up so quickly!  I can' t wait to go home and see my family for Christmas!

Me, I am doing good... Trying to stay content with where God has me right now!