Being obedient

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUM86eL6tVw

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman whose husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would've stayed
And she says…

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”

Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen, I'll tell you that I...”

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew


Thia is the song that started the yearn in my heart.  About a month ago, we were about to leave to take Darbie to school, and she asked me if we could take the Ipod and listen to Christmas music.  Normally, I'd said yes!  I LOVE Christmas music and we listen to it often in the car.  However, this morning, for what I thought to be an unknown reason, I said no.  I didnt know why I said no.  I had a conversation back and forth with myself about why I would tel lher no, but I did and I stuck with that decision.  About half wya to her school this song came on the radio.  Now, I have heard this song a million times and it never spoke to me the way it spoke to me that morning.  Tears immediately started streaming down my face.  I heard God ever so clearly that morning.  He was riding in the passenger seat and He and I were having a conversation.  I told him that we were not ready for another child.  The timing is wrong.  We don't have the money. Hudson is still nursing.  Hudson is still not sleeping the greatest.  Actually the night before that morning, we were up most of the night because Hudson wasn't sleeping.  I was laughing asking God,.... dont You see this?????  While our hands are blessed, they are also full at the moment.... Full with an 11 year old who is growing and becoming a young lady.....full  with an active 3 year old who is full of energy....and full with a now 1 year old who was at the time still nursing and who is still not sleeping the greatest.....God, WE are not ready yet.... someday.....someday we will be ready.....and He was consistently telling me "yes you are.  I will not ask something of you that you can not handle".... that is what I kept getting from Him that morning... Lean on me... I'll give you what you need....Depend on me....Rely on me.... Let me bless you like no one else can.....


I wiped my eyes and told Darbie to have a wonderful day and back home we went.... the thought kept nagging at me but I started believing that it was me just dreaming.... I did just not get a good nights rest... we were up most of the night... I was just sleepy....groggy....

I didn't say anything to anyone for about a week.  But God kept laying it on my heart....NOW NOW NOW is what I felt like he was telling me... I laughed one day and said Tim will shoot me if I bring this up to him....so I didn't... I let a few more days pass by and Tim had duty one night so I decided to email him everything... I'm better at writing than speaking my feelings sometimes and I didnt have to see the crazy look on his face as he was reading it!    So I sent him an email explaining just as I have here and I didnt get any response back from him... He came home the next day and said nothing about the email... .I said...."you see God... he thinks I am C-R-A-Z-Y!!!"  The night before Thanksgiving, I was sitting at the counter and he was in the kitchen and he looks over to me and nonchalantly says "have you ever thought that maybe we would adopt a child with special needs?"  I started with all of the statistics of special needs... all of the problems that could happen.... al lof the negatives when God stopped me dead in my tracks... "'Terra....this is not your plan...its Mine...."  Wow what a thought to slap you in the face... On Thanksgiving Day, I went to check the mail and there were two big enevelopes in there... As I was walking back to the ouse I looked at the return address label to see that they were from Bethany Christian Services... I said "Ok God, I get it!  I didnt order these... and I know Tim didn't....so we'll get on it... but lead us please!"  I got back to the house and told Tim that somehow we received some stuff from Bethany Christian Services....only to find that he had been doing a lot of research and had inquired about their services and had them send us information.... My husband, who I thought would think I was crazy, had already started the process of getting information.... God I love this man!

While we are still praying and are unsure of a lot of things, we want to be obiedient.  That is one thing that we have talked about and where we agree that we feel its the wrong timing, evidently God is telling us otherwise!  We always knew we wanted to adopt but we thought it would be later in life.

We ask that you pray with us as God leads us through this journey of adoption.  We don't know if He is telling us now is the time....or if He is telling us that this is not just something we've dreamed and thought about, but this is really going to happen.  If the timing is now, we don't know how we are going to pay for it.  so many unknowns but we know that we serve a faituful God.  We are terrified and excited all in one!  Pray that we are obedient to His word, His timing, His calling... We know that He already has a child for us!  Whether that child isn't born yet, or if he/she is already in this world just waiting on us to be obedient. 

This song has become a favorite in our house!!!

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WDGYYGNX